Have Yourself a Gnostic Little Christmas


Have yourself a gnostic little Christmas
Let your heart be light
The crying, blood and dirt we will keep out of sight.

Have yourself a gnostic little Christmas
Feel wor-ship-ful today
For when we do our troubles they feel miles away.

Think not of sin as in olden days,
Or the Cross we preached of yore.
Wor-ship-ful feelings so dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Turn your eyes away from bread and water,
From God-in-flesh now;
Raise your hands instead into the Spirit's joy.
And have yourself a gnostic little Christmas now!

(Just in case it isn't as obvious as I think, this is complete satire. For some related thoughts, see here.)

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The Tenets of the Apostolic Church

The Unity of the Godhead, and Trinity of the Persons therein.

The utter depravity of human nature, the necessity for repentance and regeneration and the eternal doom of the finally impenitent.

The virgin birth, sinless life, atoning death, triumphant resurrection, ascension, and abiding intercession of our Lord Jesus Christ; His second coming, and millennial reign upon earth.

Justification and Sanctification of the believer through the finished work of Christ.

The Baptism of the Holy Ghost for believers, with signs following.

The nine gifts of the Holy Ghost for the edification, exhortation and comfort of the Church, which is the body of Christ.

The Sacraments of Baptism by immersion and of the Lord's Supper.

The Divine inspiration and authority of the Holy Scriptures.

Church government by apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, teachers, elders and deacons.

The possibility of falling from grace.

The obligatory nature of tithes and offerings.